Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Liberating Feminine Wisdom from Christian Patriarchy (Book Review)
- Elaine R Kelly
- 2 days ago
- 17 min read
Updated: 17 hours ago
Book Review: Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Liberating Feminine Wisdom from Christian Patriarchy
Author: Angela J. Herrington, author of Deconstructing Your Faith without Losing Yourself, coach for those who are deconstructing and learning to flourish.
Publisher: Broadleaf Books, 2025, 218 pages.
Genres: Christian Women's Issues, Gender Studies, Women's Studies
Foreword by Shannon Harris, author of The Woman They Wanted, describing her marriage, which had been built on evangelical control and submission. She is the former wife of Joshua Harris, who influenced purity culture with his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. He has since retracted the book and left the church. Shannon Harris writes that this book offers guidance for anyone ready to dismantle patriarchy and reclaim their wholeness and vitality.
Why I Chose It:
I've been thinking about the portrayal of Circe and Calypso in Homer's Odyssey, who use magic powers and are sometimes portrayed as cruel witches. Young, beautiful witches, like Samantha in Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie, are often forgiven as cute but controllable.
When I think of good witches, I think of the old shows Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie.
I was intrigued by the imagery of the old witch, knowing that:
women's wisdom has often been discredited or called evil or pagan
women who age have wisdom that can be disregarded by a society that highly values young women with reproductive capacity
women were often called witches for having herbal or spiritual knowledge, emotional intelligence, or for not relying on external approval
women were called witches and sorcerers by Christians; Some Christian Puritans, Protestants, and Catholics in the 1600s hunted and prosecuted witches. Other Christians opposed these witch trials.
I wondered if there was an old, wise, strong, and independent woman within myself. These traits have been traditionally associated with bad old witches.
Spoiler: there is one in me, and there is likely one in you as well.
Summary:
This is an excellent book to help identify how Christian Patriarchy has affected us individually and as a society. I recommend it for those who are leaving high-control Christian settings and seeking to heal from the self-doubt and anxiety that resulted from its teachings. The book gives suggestions for liberating ourselves from the constraints of high-control religion. Below, I reflect on some of the ways I connected with the material.
Introduction
Herrington discusses how witches and hags are portrayed as evil or dangerous in classic fairy tales and movies. There's a societal undercurrent that misogyny and aggression are normal and that independent or emotional women are dangerous, bad influences.
Reflection:
I thought about how the movie Wicked retells the story of the Wicked Witch of the West, revealing her past trauma, motivations, and goodness. I recently saw the movie The Odyssey and read the book Circe, and these female retellings transform Circe from an evil witch who transforms men into pigs for sport and instead portray her as a woman from a difficult childhood who is cast away and then discovers her inner power and ability to protect herself from men who intend harm.
Chapter 1: The Feminine Wisdom Within
"When we internalize the message that our desires and intuition are inherently flawed, we lose the ability to trust ourselves."
Herrington explains that the idea of a wicked old woman is an intentional tool of control to make us doubt ourselves. Seeing female traits as evil has led many to have low self-esteem and anxiety. Patriarchal Christianity teaches that feminine wisdom, intuition, or ideas are flawed and unreliable, and not worth listening to, rendering women incapable of leading. Patriarchy teaches that men have traits like strength, assertiveness, logic, and rationality, discounting a woman's rational and intellectual capacities. It also suggests that women are naturally nurturing caregivers, not recognizing that these are skills women develop, and sacrifices women make to nurture others. Herrington explains that healing requires reclaiming the traits traditionally called male and female, so that all individuals can draw on these strengths.
Reflection:
The rampant low self-esteem in women is something addressed by Sue Monk Kidd in her Dance of the Dissident Daughter." She calls it "the feminine wound". It is the lasting impact of misogyny in a woman's self-consciousness. It explains why so many girls and women doubt themselves, try to be perfect, and seek external (male) approval. Naming this condition is not to excuse it, but to acknowledge and address it with healing steps.
The Bible does not separate the fruits of the Spirit for men and women; both are told to be gentle and patient (Galatians 5). Both women and men are told to stand firm and be strong (1 Corinthians 16:13). Maureen Murdock's Heroine's Journey teaches that each individual needs to develop the full range of traits and claim the male and female within.
Chapter 2: Bodies
Herrington discusses how women and girls have been taught to be ashamed of our bodies, to hide our bodies, to dissociate ourselves from our bodies. She notes that ancient religion positioned Asherah as Yahweh's consort, with divine male and female figures equally revered. As monotheism grew, power and divinity became associated with masculinity; the feminine side of the divine was diminished. The female body was recast as weak, shameful, sinful, and in need of male control. Purity culture taught that a woman's body was dangerous and a woman was responsible if a man felt lust or acted on his lack of control. Women have been told that our bodies are a problem. Herrington affirms that our bodies are good and do not need to be controlled, hidden, or fixed. She suggests that instead of trying to diminish or constrain our bodies, we might focus on how to nurture and support our bodies.
Patriarchal Christianity presents Mother Mary as a virgin, valuing her virginity and her role in bearing her son. They focus on her obedience in relinquishing her agency rather than on her wisdom, strength, and willingness to take a personal risk to fulfil her call. Traditional patriarchy seems to see women in the Bible as either virgins or prostitutes, denying that women may be fully-formed human beings.
Reflections:
The two views of our body is illustrated in our view of dieting. It can be harmful to self-esteem to think your body is ugly, not good enough, and you must go on a diet to please others. It is healthy and good to think your body is good, and you watch your diet to nourish your body so that it can provide you the strength and energy you need. The diet is about vibrant health for yourself, not your appearance for others.
Historic dualism positioned male minds and souls as perfect and immortal while associating females with matter, the maternal, ruled by instinct, and imperfect. I find some of this dualism has seeped into today's evangelical Christianity.
I was made stronger when I read about how Mother Mary was a priest and leader in the early church. While much of the church denies her leadership, ancient art and manuscripts show Mary in priestly attire, with items showing she officiated at the Eucharist and lifted her hands to give the benediction. Find out more in Mary and Early Christian Women: Hidden Leadership, by Dr. Ally Kateusz.
Chapter 3: Mothering
Patriarchal Christianity positions motherhood as self-sacrificing and obedient submission, placing a high value on having children and always putting the needs of others ahead of your own. It teaches a woman that her value comes from self-sacrifice. Herrington explains that it is not selfish for a woman to invest in self-care, nourishment, and developing her creativity, wisdom, and leadership. She describes "self-mothering" so that we can feel seen, loved, worthy, and able to trust ourselves, without depending on external praise.
Reflections:
I have given motherhood a lot of thought, since I struggled with infertility for several years and the consequent feelings of having no value, being worthless, and deserving to be cast out as useless for not bearing children. Since then, I've come to a healthy view of my value not being reliant on my reproductive parts. I hold tightly to Jesus's teaching that women are valued for more than our womb and breasts (Luke 11:27). I have also seen that the New Testament more often uplifts having spiritual children.
Even with my joy and fulfillment of eventually being able to have children, I continue to see an underlying patriarchal view that women are valued primarily for producing sons, male heirs, boys to carry on the name. After having three daughters, people ask me if I was trying to have a boy, and suggest that at least my husband must have wanted a boy. As I explored barrenness in the Bible, it seems to indicate that a woman was considered barren until she had a male child. I have explored this theme in my novel Finding Her Voice, where Philip's wife bears four prophesying daughters (and no sons).
Chapter 4: Nourishing Self
Patriarchal Christianity has used Proverbs 31 to say that a woman must rise early and do everything for everyone else. A woman's worth comes from self-sacrifice without attention to her own needs. The church seems to honour self-neglect as holy, and blames women if they are struggling. It results in many women feeling guilt and self-doubt. Herrington identifies teachings that tell women they are worthy only in giving endlessly. We cannot pour out from an empty cup. She suggests options like meditation, journaling, music, or walking. We have value not only in what we give or how much we serve, but in who we are, without earning it. Living a life aligned with our true passions allows us to flourish. She suggests setting boundaries and prioritizing our well-being so that we can gain the energy needed to pursue our goals.
Reflections:
This was good insight into evangelicals, because I have always seen Proverbs 31 as biblical evidence in support of feminism: it honours a woman having the freedom and authority to be a homemaker, a businesswoman, or a leader. It's about choice from a range of activities, not one woman doing all of these things.
In my novel Forgotten Followers, years of constant submission and self-sacrifice, without the ability to say no or set boundaries, have resulted in my character, Mara, feeling guilt, shame, and self-hatred. She feels alone and powerless, having no choice but to do her duty. The novel outlines her healing from this trauma and building healthy connections.
I pulled out the steps my character takes in Forgotten Followers to frame my self-help book, Walk With Mara on Her Healing Journey: 21 Steps to Emotional Resilience. In that book, I talk about the problems with the old acronym to put Jesus and Others first, Yourself last, as a recipe for JOY. It does not work that way. We love because God loves us first, and filled us with love to overflowing. Jesus didn't bring survival; he brought abundant life for all people.
Chapter 5: Pleasure
Christian patriarchy has taught that pleasure is dangerous, sinful, or selfish. Even play is often sidelined as childish, unproductive, or lazy. The West has instead honoured hard work and discipline. We have been taught to feel guilty about wasting time in pleasurable activities. Herrington suggests that pleasure can guide us toward what nourishes and sustains us. She says that pleasure is not an indulgence, but a natural part of life that is necessary for our well-being. She suggests that making art, enjoying nature, or relishing food can stimulate well-being. We need to reclaim permission to live life and enjoy it without guilt or self-judgement. We can reject systems that equate pleasure with sin. She suggests listening to our bodies and uncovering what makes us feel alive, joyful, and fulfilled.
Reflections:
Yes, I grew up with a strong sense of the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant work ethic. It means an admiration for hard work and self-discipline. Thankfully, my husband encourages me to take time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, whether it is a hike, a song, or a piece of chocolate.
Chapter 6: Feeling Things
"It's easier to dismiss someone's emotional experience than to take responsibility for the harm or discomfort that caused it."
Herrington notes that women are taught to feel emotions like patience and kindness but hide or suppress emotions like anger, ambition, or grief. We've been told to keep sweet and not make a fuss. This emotional suppression disconnects us from ourselves. Throughout history, women who show emotions have been considered weak, mentally ill, or in need of treatment for hysteria. The Yellow Wallpaper is an 1892 story that dramatizes the harms of forbidding a woman from intellectual or creative pursuits as a means of curing hysteria. Patriarchal ideas have re-labelled emotions when they are shown in women, making them invalid. For example, renaming anger as simply hormonal, or relabelling ambition as selfish or bossy, relabelling sadness as weak or overly sensitive, relabelling her frustration as her being nagging. There's a personal cost to keeping the peace instead of speaking up. It causes resentment, fatigue, digestive issues, and depression. She suggests that when we welcome all of our emotions, we can live more authentically, and that leads to healing and empowerment.
Reflections:
Many women today experience Post Partum Depression, yet their symptoms are downplayed, and help may be denied. Instead of actually looking at the real reasons for a woman to be upset, a woman who is upset is dismissed as being hormonal or irrational.
Yes, I've been told to tone down, to make myself less loud or less passionate, or just less. I've been told that my emotions are a problem and to calm down. I have discovered that many things that I do are motivated by my feelings of guilt. When I let these feelings stay down in my tummy, it leads to anxiety, high blood pressure, and depression.
My daughter shared a helpful technique she learned in her psychology studies: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Now, when I feel sad, I accept it. I identify how I feel, name it, and diffuse it by separating the feeling from who I am as a person. "Hello darkness, my old friend, you're a familiar part of my life." Appreciate the emotion. Feelings are allowed; they're not negative. Even sadness can help me build empathy or ignite action toward healing. Then, Commit. Be mindful. Think about how to act in ways that are in line with my values. ACT is one of the steps I outline in Walk with Mara on Her Healing Journey: 21 Steps to Emotional Resilience. In this self-help book, I illustrate proven steps to healthier emotions with stories of my fictional character, Mara, and my own life.
Chapter 7: Governing Self
Reclaiming self-governance brings us closer to liberating ourselves. There is a direct conflict between the idea that God ordained men to have authority over women and the idea that Jesus brought liberation for all, with no more male and female in God's kingdom.
Patriarchal Christianity teaches that women are temptresses and need male control. Women cannot trust their own bodies, intellect, or intuition, and cannot govern themselves. When women lose self-confidence and constantly second-guess themselves, we take fewer risks, learn less, and become more dependent on others.
Receiving all spiritual leadership from men limits our direct experiences of the Divine. A woman may actually have a better spiritual relationship with God by leaving the church if it is structured to discourage authentic sharing of ideas or to filter all of a woman's experiences through a man. Reclaiming self-governance is about freeing ourselves from external control, trusting our ability to think for ourselves and to act in alignment with our values. The idea of a beneficial master protecting women needs to be uncovered for what it truly is: control. Autonomy is not about isolation, but about being who you are as you interact with others with mutual respect. Relationships are equal, not about a head and his servant. Service is mutual, not one-sided. It's about building self-confidence and trust in your internal wisdom, not relying on male validation or approval.
Reflections:
I have always wanted independence and believed in free will. However, I have sometimes felt guilty or selfish in following my own path. As I meditated on the Gospels while writing Forgotten Followers, the character called Mara, who has been sacrificing herself without choices or boundaries, wonders how service and generosity can bring happiness. It is only after her cup is full, when she makes a choice to share out of love, not obligation, that she understands how giving can bring happiness.
When my daughter was stressed about juggling work and children, she wondered if feminism was wrong to force women to work outside the home. I was shocked to hear that this evangelical message had soaked into her subconscious, because to me, feminism has always been about the freedom of choice, and I worked full-time, part-time, or stayed at home as the needs of me and my family changed. She felt more relaxed just knowing that she had the choice and could consider all her options.
Chapter 8: Leading
"Feminism at its heart is gender equity work."
Christian patriarchy teaches women not to be too much, too assertive; they are untrustworthy and heretical. Herrington says that when we feel a pull to guide, make a decision, or speak up, that is our natural leadership showing.
There is a direct conflict between the idea that women must be silent or usurp a man's authority (1 Timothy 2:12) and the Bible's multiple passages praising women for speaking and leading. Once this dichotomy is examined, it can be resolved by realizing that 1 Timothy is about one woman who is told to stop teaching a false doctrine, and that neither women nor men are to usurp a platform illegitimately. She suggests
validate your skills
trust your intuition
find a supportive community; your chosen family
practice self-trust by making a decision by yourself daily
Reflections:
This chapter was a boost to my self-confidence. It encouraged me to keep growing and speaking from the heart. When I posted about writing the Gospels from a female point of view, one person commented that it was heretical and dangerous to share my feminist point of view. As if patriarchal men have not shared their point of view on the Gospels for centuries!
Chapter 9: Wisdom
Resist the notion that formal education and structured knowledge are reliable, while knowledge from experiences and insights is devalued. All of these sources of knowledge are important. Western society highly values and compensates academic and financial expertise (often male-dominated) while devaluing caregiving, nursing, and educational work (often female-dominated).
Herrington discusses Sophia, the Lady Wisdom lauded in Proverbs 8-9. She is often interpreted as the Holy Spirit, equal with the Father and Son. Sophia is our internal guide and counsellor. Christian patriarchy tells us not to depend on this internal Spirit to guide us, but to listen instead to male authorities. Evangelicals quote "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) but they really mean "trust in the male leadership and not on your female understanding."
When women are taught to distrust our understanding, we feel self-doubt and uncertainty, and can end up doing things based on what others tell us to do, rather than based on actions in line with our internal values.
Reflections:
As I have been writing about feminist and inclusive Christianity, I have thought I would have more credibility if I had a theology degree. I felt unqualified to speak. And yet, I have discovered that many theological schools teach the very ideas that I am dismantling. Some schools do not use texts by female theologians. And while I have no formal training in theology, I have pursued my passion for learning intensely, going deeper into the topics of most interest to me, while a theology course may have diverted energy away from these topics. Studying theology formally would be to seek outward validation from others, but studying theology informally allows me to pursue my passions and thrive. I guess I'll call myself a lay theologian.
I worked as a financial advisor for thirty years, taking on the risk of my own business. It is a male-dominated field and I was usually at seminars dominated by men. I was paid commissions I earned, regardless of gender. However, as my parents aged, my dad regularly expected my sister and I to do more caregiving, since our brothers were busy working.
I was very excited when I first heard about Sophia (the Greek word for Wisdom) in Sue Monk Kidd's book. Then I noticed references to Wisdom in things like the Advent song "O Come Emmanuel" and verse 2: O come Thou Wisdom from on high. and saw that early Christians likely believed Wisdom built her house in Jesus; Wisdom came in the form of Jesus. It is a feminine aspect of God straight from Proverbs. The concept of Sophia is expanded on in the deuterocanonical books of the Catholic Bible.
Chapter 10: Aging
Herrington discusses looking at aging not as a loss and movement to irrelevancy but aas a gain to a new stage of increased wisdom and contributions. Christian patriarchy seems to value young virgins and those who have reproductive potential. She points to the future as a time of continued learning and contribution, rather than a period of decline.
Herrington discusses celebrating the wisdom of elders. She is not talking about men or the office of elder in the church. She is talking about mature men and women. She suggests thinking about the wisdom of our ancestors, and thinking about the legacy we give to our descendants. She suggests that embracing the aging process can lead to a sense of freedom and empowerment.
Reflections:
As a person writing and posting in deconstruction and exvangelical circles, I find I am always bumping into those who came of age in the 90s and early 2000s. They were hard hit by purity culture and the conservative resurgence in evangelical churches. They seem unaware of the women theologians and preachers that I was exposed to in the 1970s. I grew up in a progressive Christian denomination, then the evangelical message filled me with self-doubt, then I saw its harm and have returned to feminist and affirming Christianity.
I feel it is timely and critical to share knowledge about past Christian women leaders so that we might stand on their shoulders, rather than rebuilding the same groundwork. I have not had the same experiences as those who are slightly younger than myself, but in the same way, they have not had the experiences I have had with grief, healing, self-knowledge, and self-esteem building. We can help each other. I have stopped worrying about looking old in my social media videos. People will see my wrinkles. And that is okay.
Many people associate the word "elder" with men. I was excited to learn from Sandra Glahn that the early church likely had an office of elder (for men) and an office of widow (for any woman, married, widowed, or never married, of any age). The word widow meant female elder. It had the same requirements as the male elder. In later years, the church merged the office of widow with the role of deacon, and then later eliminated women from being ordained as deacons.
I love the idea of remembering our ancestors, telling their stories, and sharing their wisdom. After reading Sue Monk Kidd, I thought about how my self-image might change if I remembered my lineage based on the women in my ancestry. I tell their stories with some Polish nesting dolls. The thread of strength and independence runs through the women of my ancestry.
Chapter 11: Reclaiming Your Roots
"Christian patriarchy knows that when we are disconnected from our lineage, we are easier to control."
"Both blood relatives and your chosen family shape your past, present, and future."
Herrington explains that in evangelical circles, when they encourage women to pursue their calling, they actually mean "pursue your assigned calling as a submissive wife and long-suffering mother." Family is structured so that approval must be earned by conforming to certain expectations. This leads to hiding or suppressing our true selves to maintain relationships. It means holding secrets and feeling isolated, not enjoying authentic connections. In evangelical circles, honouring family means submitting to the power and control of a male leader, while a family should be a place of honesty, safety, nurturing, and unconditional love.
Herrington also discusses how the experiences of our ancestors affect our physical bodies. This means trauma from the holocaust or from residential schools, or in my case, ancestors who survived the Irish famine or Depression years. Thankfully, it can also mean healing work that was done by our ancestors. It means that healing we do can benefit our descendants. It's not about worshipping our ancestors, but about seeing how their struggles and successes shaped our path.
Herrington discusses how the church evolved to describe heaven and hell as literal places, thus a means of control. The Gospels and the early church saw these as more symbolic, relating to our present lives, not an afterlife. We may find that living without the Divine is harder, while having God with us means living abundantly.
Reflections:
In Because She Was Called, I feature two female characters following their call to speak, teach, and prophesy. I have struggled with proclaiming that a woman should pursue her individual call, based on her individual gifts and passions (not on a gender-specific role). It is too easy for people to think I mean a woman was called to be a wife and mother (I don't).
In the Gospels, Jesus often welcomed people to the family of faith, and the church uses the imagery of brothers and sisters in Christ. However, some churches use this image to separte us and them, those who are in the family and those who aren't. John Calvin famously used the idea to say that God chose some to be in and others to be out. This idea never sat well with me, since we know that God loves all people. As I meditated on the puzzle, I started to see Jesus forming a chosen family (not by choosing people à la Calvin) by recognizing people who were like-minded and remaining with them. In effect, the community gathered, and Jesus opted to join them as his chosen family.
Too often, evangelical churches have used a family model of male authority and female servitude both at home and at church. In the church, it is about authority and submission instead of being about acceptance and love.
Conclusion
This book helped me recognize my internal wisdom and to see God's Wisdom in me. It helped me see how Christian patriarchy has contributed to my low self-esteem, anxiety, guilt, and occasional depression. More than that, it provided exercises to move forward, stepping into my own autonomy and liberating my own feminine wisdom.
Elaine Ricker Kelly Author is empowering women with historical fiction about women in the Bible and early church and Christian articles about women in leadership, church history and doctrine. Her books include:
Forgotten Followers from Broken to Bold, Book 1, A Novel (2022)
The Sword: A Fun Way to Engage in Healthy Debate on What the Bible Says About a Woman's Role (2023)
Because She Was Called from Broken to Bold, Book 2, A Novel of the Early Church (2024)
Walk with Mara on Her Healing Journey: 21 Steps to Emotional Resilience (2024)
Finding Her Voice from Broken to Bold, Book 3, A Novel of the Earliest Female Apostles
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