Do Christians Do Self-Help?
- Elaine R Kelly
- Jul 4, 2024
- 11 min read
Updated: 7 days ago
Not really. Many Christians oppose self-help, fearing it means less reliance on God. They may say it shows a lack of faith, and that only God is our help.
It reminds me of the story of the man caught on the roof as the floods rose. He died and went to heaven, and asked God why he didn't save him during the flood. God replied that he sent a warning to evacuate, a neighbour with a car, emergency workers with a motorboat, and even a helicopter. Yet the man did not see these other offers of help as God-given miracles. He refused help because he wanted God to miraculously fix his problem. But God doesn't usually work that way.
The Bible Endorses Self-Help
Yes, we pray and ask for God's help, protection, and guidance. But the Bible does not encourage us to sit idly by and wait for a miracle.
An idle person will suffer hunger (Proverbs 19:15)
A godly woman does not eat the bread of idleness (Proverbs 31:27)
Hard work brings profit (Proverbs 14:23)
Work with all your heart, as working for the Lord (Colossians 3:23)
Without counsel, plans fail; with advisors, plans succeed (Proverbs 15:22)
Listen to advice and accept instruction to gain wisdom (Proverbs 19:20)
I propose that God wants Christians to rely on people, and God gives talents and skills to some that are needed by others. I imagine God smiles when people find the help, tools, or advice that is needed for the abundant life that God wants for us.
Christian Opposition to Self-Help
It seems to be an individualistic approach that removes the opportunity for believers to help one another and denies the benefits of a caring community.
Some Christians say they oppose self-help, and yet it sounds a lot like they are offering self-help when they tell a person they'll benefit by receiving salvation or having more faith. This kind of advice sets up the sufferer for disappointment, since having God in your life does not automatically solve all your problems. You need to get the help you need, sometimes with medical therapies, and sometimes with psychological or counselling professionals. But the first step is often looking inside oneself.
Even Christians who say that self-help is "not a thing" or that "self-healing is impossible" provide resources which are, in fact, self-help: community support, workbooks, journaling prompts, songs or scripture to focus on positive thoughts, practical tools to escape abuse, and advice on setting boundaries. They say they oppose self-help, but they offer self-help tools.
Some Christians think prayer is all you need for emotional healing and mental health. They may use medical professionals for physical health, but decry the expertise or advice of psychologists or psychotherapists and criticize self-help tools and books, claiming that these scientific solutions come from the world and not from God (I would say that science comes from God).
Why do Christians Need Self-Help?
Christians are hurting. And God often works through people to provide help. Some go to biblical counsellors. These are individuals who may get all of their tools from the Bible or their biblical interpretations. They may have inadequate education, no psychological training or specialized preparation for trauma or certain mental or emotional conditions.
And sometimes it's the church that hurts people, sidelining and silencing them until they feel unworthy. Sometimes, emotional or mental challenges originate in the church, and help is needed from outside the church. The following are a few Christian teachings that can cause distress and lead to a need for self-help or professional help:
Don't trust your instincts because you are a depraved human
Don't listen to your body because it will lead you to sin
Don't speak; a woman's opinion is irrelevant to a man's decision
Your body is not your own; you have no authority over it, it's God's
Be perfect in your behaviour
Be selfless
Forget about your own needs; they are not valid
Think less of yourself and more of others
You are a wretched worm who deserves God's hate and punishment
Be patient and forbearing when others abuse you; it is your cross to bear
Do nothing about injustice; leave it in God's hands
To be clear, I think these teachings are wrong. I do not believe they reflect God's will as presented in the Bible. The God of the Bible loves us desperately and will do anything to redeem us--over and over again. God cares about our well-being. And God wants us to care about our well-being.
These types of teachings are used to keep some people down and to prop others up in positions of power. Many of them are particularly used to silence and sideline women. Dare I say that some Christians may oppose a self-help book because it might empower a woman to stand up for herself?
An Example: A Church Teaching All People to Be More Humble Can Be a Harmful Teaching
Be Humble: Think of Yourself Less
C. S. Lewis seems to think humility is thinking of yourself less: not thinking about your wants, not paying attention to your needs, not voicing them to others, or advocating for yourself. Is he suggesting it is selfish or prideful to name and communicate our needs? Is he suggesting that to be a humble person, we must not address our need for love, respect, and fair treatment? Are we not worthy of thought?
Be Humble: Think of Yourself More
Not more highly - but more intently, more honestly. Do a sober self-assessment. Ask what thoughts are falsely puffing you up and what thoughts are lies debasing you and lowering your worth.
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think but to think with sober judgment. Romans 12:3
Lewis's advice may be excellent for those who are arrogant and tend to think of themselves too much.
But it is not good advice for those who are already feeling worthless and already ignoring their own needs in order to serve others. It is not good advice for those who do not like themselves or feel they are worthless.
Being humble is not about ignoring yourself. It's not about being humiliated, subservient, wretched, ashamed, or feeling worthless. God cares about every human. We are worthy. We are the reason Jesus lived. Our needs do matter. We need safety, protection, shelter, food, water, and love. God wants us to express our needs - in prayer and with other people. God wants us to have an abundant life.
If you don't think of yourself, you will not be able to take care of yourself or others. If you think of yourself less, you become vulnerable to those who put you down. If you think of yourself less, you may miss symptoms and miss getting the help you need. Those who think too little of themselves need to stop self-criticism, self-hate, and self-loathing. They need to be uplifted and become humbly self-confident.
Pastor Erwin McManus provides a nuanced definition, saying, "Humility is not about having a low self-image or poor self-esteem. Humility is about self-awareness."
Humility means giving adequate thought to yourself so that you know your strengths and your weaknesses. We need to know ourselves. We may need introspection to discern our personal needs and to know the advice that is suitable for us. We may need to examine ourselves, our emotions, and what's causing them. We may access self-help tools, such as meditation and journaling, or we may access professional counsellors
What About Church Teachings?
Mary prophesied that those who were proud would be pulled down (made humble) and those who were lowly would be uplifted (made less humble). Where do you stand today? Do you need to stay more grounded or get up off the ground? Do you need to pull down those who are falsely puffed up? Do you need to uplift someone who has been made low?
Christian teachers could give more nuanced teachings to acknowledge the diverse needs of their listeners. A teacher is responsible for clarifying that some need more humility and some need less humility and more confidence.
For some Christians, hearing they need to be more humble can mean thinking less of themselves, having a low self-image or poor self-esteem. Try to think of humility as being fully self-aware. Acknowledge when someone else has more expertise in a given area. Take the floor when you have expertise you can share to help others. It is not prideful to know your strengths. The Bible calls you to use your gifts, to share them, to build up the body of believers. We need to know our strengths, the gifts we have to offer, and the areas where we need the help of others. How can we be humble but not ashamed and debased? I dramatize the difference between these in this short video.
God Wants Our Well-Being
Being humble is not the end of the story. It is the beginning. See what happens when we humble ourselves (bold emphasis added)?
"Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Matthew 23:12
"For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." James 4:10
We don't humble ourselves so that we stay ashamed and subservient.
We humble ourselves so that we can be given grace, exalted, and lifted up.
God is great, God is love, and God wants to lift us up.
God wants to renew and restore us, and provide healing and hope.
God is a loving parent. Even we, as human parents, know not to give a child a stone in place of bread (Matthew 7:9-11). We know that if we insult or beat a child, it will hurt them. God also wants to take care of us, love and nurture us. Sometimes God provides this help through others. In fact, I believe it is God's preference. Rather than intervening supernaturally, it brings joy to God to see brothers and sisters living in harmony and unity (Psalm 133:1). Unity and harmony do not result from silencing the downtrodden. Unity and harmony require a foundation of justice, lifting up the downtrodden. That's why Jesus tells us all to love and serve one another.
The Bible talks about our need for the Sabbath rest. Jesus models going away to pray, to rejuvenate his spirit - even when crowds of people beg him to heal them. Psalm 23 praises God for being a good shepherd, providing for our needs, giving comfort and protection, and restoring our souls. The Bible encourages us to meditate on God and on good things (Philippians 4:8, Genesis 24:63, Psalm 1:2, Psalm 119:15)
Christians pray for good physical health and, at the same tim,e thank God for medical treatment and for guidance toward better diet and exercise. Similarly, when emotional or spiritual hurts inhibit us from living life in abundance, we might thank God for actions we can do to better cope with everyday hurts. That is self-care and self-help. It is not selfish or self-indulgent.
Christian Self-Help: We Work; God Works
Christian self-help integrates psychology and theology, collaborating with others and doing the work necessary toward healing. Self-help is not all about you being a hero by yourself.
Christian self-help aims for spiritual health, wellness, and an abundant life. Self-help is not for a selfish goal of wealth, self-gratification, or self-fulfillment.
Christian self-help improves your ability to accomplish God's call on your life and to fulfill God's purposes.
God created all creatures and told both the man and the woman to be good stewards of God's creation:
God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.” Genesis 1:28 NRSVUE
God gave us a body and a mind. There is a grain of truth in my grandmother's saying that "God helps those who help themselves."
It is good to rely on God and pray and ask for guidance. It is not good to sit passively and expect God to solve all your problems without you lifting a hand to help yourself. When we pray for healing, the Spirit guides us and others through proactive steps. Things work out for good only if God's people work towards God's purpose. We need to do the work.
Does God Miraculously Fix Problems?
In fiction, there's a plot device called "deus ex machina," Latin for "God from the machine. It means a writer creates an unsolvable problem that is suddenly and unexpectedly resolved by an unlikely or contrived solution. It is too convenient, overly simplistic, and generally unsatisfying for a reader. It leaves the reader disappointed because it is so unrealistic. God doesn't usually work that way in real life.
In my novel, I wanted to avoid that. Forgotten Followers from Broken to Bold portrays Mara (Mary of Clopas) traumatized by an overly authoritarian father and a high-control religion. Jesus does not miraculously heal her from her past trauma. She takes specific steps toward her healing, relying on the advice and support of other women. With their support, she gains the confidence to have faith. She does the work on a long healing journey from broken to bold.
In researching her character, I examined the steps she could take to overcome her trauma. Following these steps can lead you to do the work you need to do to deal with emotional burdens that may be inhibiting you from living a happy and abundant life.
I have organized the actions Mara takes towards healing into 21 proven steps recommended by a variety of professionals: psychologists, psychotherapists, and theologians. Some steps are new, healing ways of looking at Scripture through an egalitarian or affirming lens. Some steps are proven psychological tools.
Unlike other self-help books, I illustrate each step with examples from my own life and from Mara, a character in my historical fiction, Forgotten Followers from Broken to Bold. Taking these 21 steps can guide the reader to a careful self-assessment and healing from doubts, low self-esteem, and everyday hurts. The tools are designed to build emotional resilience, an ability to recover and maintain your mental and emotional health and stability.
Most of us encounter disappointments in this life, and these wounds can fester, interfering with our peace of mind and causing troubled relationships. It takes time to heal; it's not immediate or without effort. Self-help is just the beginning. Sometimes it will lead to the recognition of a need for professional help.
New Release! Walk with Mara on Her Healing Journey: 21 Steps to Emotional Resilience.
Do you sometimes feel unsure, doubting yourself, others, or even God? Have you felt disheartened, alone, or hopeless? Does anxiety or fear hurt your mental health and ability to make friends? Does your church sideline or limit your participation? Has being made silent and submissive broken your self-confidence? Do you need to reconstruct your faith?
I have felt these things, and I am sharing tools that can help others heal from the emotional hurts of everyday living. Unlike other self-help books, these 21 steps are each illustrated by examples from my own life and from Mara, a character in my historical fiction, Forgotten Followers from Broken to Bold. Now you can walk with Mara with this stand-alone book to build your own emotional resilience.
Discover how you can transform your life with the power of emotional resilience. These 21 steps are a self-help guide for your spiritual and personal healing, empowering you with strong mental and emotional health.
Benefits:
Find healing and build resilience against emotional hurts and trauma
Restore your self-esteem, confidence and trust in yourself
Deconstruct and reconstruct your faith in God
Have healthier, stronger, and more positive mental health
Step towards emotional healing and transform your shame into confidence, your self-loathing into self-love, and your sores into beautiful scars.
Released August 7, 2024:
Elaine Ricker Kelly Author is empowering women with historical fiction about women in the Bible and early church and Christian blogs about women in leadership, church history and doctrine. Her books include:
Forgotten Followers from Broken to Bold, Book 1, A Novel (2022)
The Sword: A Fun Way to Engage in Healthy Debate on What the Bible Says About a Woman's Role (2023)
Because She Was Called from Broken to Bold, Book 2, A Novel of the Early Church (2024)
Walk with Mara on Her Healing Journey: 21 Steps to Emotional Resilience (2024)
Finding Her Voice from Broken to Bold, Book 3, Acts of Early Female Apostles: A Novel (2025)
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