What is the source of a woman's worth?
Does God value a woman more for having children? No! For being a virgin? No! Is a woman made worthy by being submissive and obedient? No!
God loves each person because God created us. That's right, just because we are. God made us and saw that it was very good. You don't earn value in God's eyes by getting married or having children. If you are wondering what makes you worthy of heaven or even worthy as a person on earth, remember that Jesus makes us worthy. Whoever recognizes God’s authority becomes an equal heir in God’s realm.
What makes a woman blessed?
Beyond that, Jesus said God blesses women for hearing his word and following it. Women are not more blessed for having children; they are more blessed for obeying God's call on their lives, based on their gifts from the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it means being at home for a season; often it means women in leadership roles outside the home. Women are blessed when they work for justice and righteousness.
What about bearing children?
I struggled with infertility for several years and became angry that I couldn't have what others had so easily, that I did not have control over my life plans or the future that I had envisioned, and ultimately I was embarrassed
here are some things people said that discouraged me:
you're lucky to be free of children
children are a time-consuming and expensive burden
infertility is not a serious health issue; it's not like you have cancer
When I looked for comfort in the Bible, some things it said that upset me:
having children/being fruitful is a command; God's first command to humans
examples in the Bible show infertility is caused by a woman's immorality or lack of faith (David's wife Michale, Abraham's wife Sarai, Isaac's wife Rebekah, Jacob's wife Rachel)
having more children is equated with being virtuous and blessed. The psalmist says children are like arrows in the hand of a warrior, and we are blessed if we have our quiver full of children (Ps 127:3-5).
I cannot imagine how terrible infertility was in the Bible days when being unable to provide an heir was a legitimate reason for divorce. Only men could initiate divorce in those times, and it is quite possible that the Samaritan woman at the well was divorced by men five times because of being barren. I do not believe she was immoral, because the story shows that her community continued to respect her and listen to her. However, if she was like me, she would have avoided groups with many mothers and children because of the pain of exclusion.
God Does Not Promise Physical Biological Children
In the midst of my struggles, I held onto the verse in Psalm 113:9 that says God nests the once barren woman at home - now a joyful mother with children. However, I no longer see this as a promise, but as an exclamation of joy.
Some will remain childless. Some will not get the boy they wanted; even today sex-selective abortions in Ontario, Canada, mean that more boys than girls are born. Some will have a child who does not meet their hopes for perfect health or outstanding academic or athletic ability. Some will have a child who grows up to have a different orientation, interests or beliefs from their parents.
God Values Us Because We Are God's Children
It is unhealthy to place our value as women on having children. God values us for more than being a vessel to carry a child. We are more than a garden where men can plant their seeds.
Jesus valued women for more than having children. When a woman called out from the crowd to bless the womb that bore Jesus and the breasts at which he nursed, she reflected the idea that only the reproduction of a woman mattered. Jesus corrected her. He said, “On the contrary, blessed and happy are those who hear the word of God and continually observe it.” (Luke 11:27-28).
When Jesus was with Mary and Martha in Bethany, he told everyone that Mary made the right choice to be a disciple learning from him, rather than working on cooking and hospitality. Jesus used the Samaritan woman at the well to go and tell all the men and women of her village about him. People of all genders, including Mary the mother of Jesus, were among the hundred and twenty believers in Acts 1:14-15 and they were filled with the holy spirit and began to prophesy in Acts 2:17. Being a disciple like Mary of Bethany, a preacher like the Samaritan woman, and a prophet like Mary the mother of Jesus are ways that women were valued for more than their ability to have children.
Biblical women had many roles other than being a mothers. Miriam was a prophet, Moses' mother was a wet nurse, and many women were midwives. Deborah was a Judge and a Military Leader, Esther was a lobbyist, Rahab was an innkeeper, Ruth was a gleaner/farmer, Abigail was a mediator, and Huldah was a prophet, teacher, and interpreter of scripture. Anna was a prophet and preacher, Lydia was a businesswoman, Phoebe was a deacon, benefactor and teacher, and Damaris was an academic researcher, philosopher and speaker. Priscilla was a tentmaker, businesswoman, and evangelist, and Junia was a patron and apostle.
From the very beginning, God's design was that all people, regardless of gender, be caretakers of animals and nature; God created both men and women in God's own image, and both are called to populate the earth (Genesis 1:26-28). Children are equally the responsibility of both genders. Work in society is equally the responsibility of both genders.
God did bless us with twins, after fertility treatement, and then with a third child, and we were thrilled to raise our three daughters. This struggle provided lasting empathy for those going through various types of trials or who are losing hope. When your prayers are not answered as expected, I encourage you to look at what other roles God may be calling you to do.
Elaine Ricker Kelly Author brings healing and hope, empowering women with historical fiction about women in the Bible and early church and Christian blogs about women in leadership, church history and doctrine. Her books include:
Forgotten Followers from Broken to Bold, Book 1
The Sword A Fun Way to Engage in Healthy Debate on What the Bible Says About a Woman's Role
Because She Was Called: from Broken to Bold, Book 2, A Novel of the Early Church, imagines Mary Magdalene's trip to testify before the emperor
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